When I’m writing this I am naked and eating rocket popsicles. Rereading my notes from my laptop and the things I wrote in my journal. Trying to make sense of all the things I’ve experienced.
My life is filled with extra-ordinary people. My first experience with some one who understood passion as much as I did was Natalia. The kind-hearted make up artist from Canada. That connection that we shared was passion. Although my passion was photography and hers was make up. It was there and it felt good.
In one of those extra-ordinary situations I met Min via the wonderful ways of the internet. She had already made plans to visit Amsterdam, my hometown and we decided to meet up. The first time we met; there I was pouring out my life story to a girl I hardly knew but she understood me. The meetings with her that followed I noticed that the people she chose to surround herself with, were exceptional. On the last day that I saw her I gave her something that was once a treasure of mine. It was my old hat that my former lover had gifted to me. It was a token of our friendship which was in fleeting moments at the time. The hat was a special symbol for the travels that I made on my own. The independence and the discovery of the earth. The adventure that came along with it. It was a symbol of how I pursuit love across the ocean. The romance that had set my soul on fire during the time I flew to the USA. It was a symbol for fighting for my originality because yes I wanted to be the only one with that 8 dollar hat.
It’s been three years since I sat in the chairs at the gate alone, waiting for the plane. I sat there with almost the same excitement. This time with more tranquillity. The sun shines from my back and the air is extremely humid. The plane is an hour late and when we’re finally boarded we are entering a bright blue-pinkish sky. The radio doesn’t work so I’m forced to listen to the engine and the countless voices of my co-passengers.
I hadn’t been writing whole-heartedly for some time. I struggled finding my uniqueness. Among the chaos of blogs and writings from others I became very occupied by staying true to myself. I tried to find ways of putting sentences together without words that weren’t overused or words that weren’t too simple. I wanted that what is most dear to me; ‘being original’. And I couldn’t find those words for a very long time that it had actually kept me from writing.
Another obstacle which kept me from writing was the lack of feeling. I had become so aware of other people’s feelings that I had almost forgotten how to feel for myself. And yes it’s hard explaining in words how mixed and confusing that was. I’m going to try it anyway.
Even though my stay in Stockholm wasn’t very long, I experienced it like it was a life time in terms of moments. Seven days long I stayed in a place in Björkhagen with a snorting old dog outside my bedroom. I’ve been mostly roaming around until I grew blisters on my feet. On the national Sweden day I was invited to a dinner. A fresh atmosphere hung in the air and we toasted on Sweden. When the night fell, the candles were being lit and I couldn’t imagine a more blissful evening that the one I had there.
The day after I woke up with heavy nose bleeds and an aching tummy. I went out to explore nearby parks, finding a place where I could be alone. I set up a picnic, watched chipmunks from a distance and read.
My other day of picnicking was some where outside the centre of Stockholm. Sweden is ravishing.
I spent the last three days at Min’s place. Without a clear idea of a plan my arrival went with a detour. Min’s neighbor took me in while I was waiting. This lovely lady had two beautiful kids that were so curious about me but we weren’t able to communicate as I did not speak Swedish nor did they speak English. I love how I connect with people of all ages. Will it be a toddler, a child my age or a mother of nearly 40. And not limited to that range of age. We spoke about motherhood, electronics, wifi, the beautiful sight of Sweden and so much more.
While her youngest child fell asleep on the couch, her eldest daughter Flora was too excited. Even when Min came to pick me up, she couldn’t stop smiling at us.
The following day we had breakfast at Min’s friends’ place which was bliss again. It wasn’t so much about the taste of the food but the company that sat around the table. It’s so easy to feel at home in places where you are welcomed with open arms. I missed shooting models so I stole one of Min’s friends and took pictures of him until the rest of his friends called him back. That same night we stuffed ourselves with strawberries. While we sat on the balcony we made circles of smoke and the taste of strawberries made place for the taste of cigars. A scent of whiskey in the air and two bright blue eyes looking at me. We chatted until sunrise. I couldn’t remember falling asleep when we woke up by noon.
On my last night I met some of Min’s other friends and we ate in a Chinese restaurant and hurried to the kayak rental. With our individual kayaks we floated on the river close by midnight. Sweden never becomes really dark at night in the summer so it didn’t feel like it was late at all. It’s easy to lose track of time. Back to shore we walked back home and said our goodbyes.