[ezcol_1half]Sometimes I wonder am I a free person? Are we really free? Because physically we are not. We are obligated to listen to the rules of society. We are restricting ourselves by what other people think of us. Something human is to feel accepted. And if we’re not accepted by people we care about what does that make us? Some one else or exactly ourselves? I think it’s an earthly thing to seek fulfillment in material and we are never entirely free because human ways of thinking can not reach that far.
I like to see freedom as in choices. If we are conscious about our choices and how we handle them we might have a chance to be free. I mean every choice we have. Saying that we don’t have a choice because money or others hold us down is merely an excuse of preventing to choose for true freedom. Even in small choices and I will always tell people when they face hard times or true enlightment, you always have a choice. The true freedom of choice is are you making that choice or is some one else making it for you.
I have been called free spirited and can tell you not all those who wander are lost. I’m aware people choose the most comfortable life and play it safe. Plan B’s. And they have a good point. Unfortunely that’d be no option to apply on me. I’m no 9 to 5. I am madly in love with the world. Though I need the realistic part of the world that tells me I can’t do it. I work not to prove them but to prove myself I am a better person today than I was yesterday. I am an idealist who falls flat on her face. I make horrible mistakes and have choked myself more often with insecurities than appears to be. I am not a formal person and I am bad in bussiness. I thought for a long time I had to be great at anything and to make less mistakes as possible while the truth remains that is the only way I will learn. The only way I was ought to live. By making mistakes.
But was I even a free person as an idealist in a somewhat cold society? Was I ever the free spirited soul to travel along whenever I could? I guess people see things so differently I find it hard to even open my soul to them.
To feel pain is not a really nice feeling. It’s negative. And all that is negative is heavier to carry than those which are light and positive. When we experience pain we are usually hurt and angry. A feeling that must be fought to. It’s unpleasant. But the true funding of feeling happiness is to accept that pain comes with pleasure and the other way around. And the choice is yours to see beauty in everything. Even in pain. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t like being hurt. I don’t like being in a negative state of mind and worry about. But it helps me to overview that what matters to me. And to see beauty in pain is an awefully great challenge. It is as frigtening as it can present itself. Fear creates a hole in anyones heart. But to conquer your fears above it all and to chose that there’s beauty in pain is utter freedom. [/ezcol_1half]
[ezcol_1half]I’ve known a man for over five years. Only to find myself in the position of liking him. I started caring about him in one month overtime, more than I did before. I carried around my bag of insecurities. Wrote broken poetry about my time with him. Broken poetry that needs to be cherished. I knew his feelings weren’t as deep as mine. And yet I had a choice. Avoiding the truth and denying that it wasn’t there. Or being truly honest with him and more to myself. I never told him what I felt because I wanted him to love me in return, although of course I wish that happened but it was no requirement. I didn’t need to have it said back. I only needed the truth that has kissed his lips. And his lips were dangerously kissing back. I stopped myself from overanalyzing, put on my bravest face, looked into his wary eyes and told him what was heavy on my chest. He replied with an icey feeling that chilled me from the spine. That was the end but not the end of me. It was only the start of another me. I had grown again.
As you can imagine I was not feeling hundred precent anymore. Not being loved back after confessing was hurtful but I felt a stillness in my mind. I could have chosen to curl up in bed and feel deprived of confidence instead I choose to feel thankful. I was thankful that day that eventhough love wasn’t returned I had felt it. I was capable of loving. I felt something and to feel love for others is what makes me a good person. I was thankful that it was a beautiful day and I’ve got friends that are as creative as me and they have made me grow. I was thankful for having a life.
The same night it started to rain as I was walking outside. It wasn’t hard but neither soft. Tiny fine drups of rain. Some people choose to hate rain because it spoils their weather and all they like is sunny days. I stuck my head up high to the sky to invite the drups to fall on my skin. It felt like tiny pricks. Brief and unharmful. I choose to smile that I could feel this feeling on my skin rather than the option to seek shelter for it.
To choose these options by seeing beauty in everything is my definition of being free[/ezcol_1half]
The beauty of mankind lies in its optimism to see beauty in everything